Has Your Life Turned Out Like You Expected It Would?

In the article ‘Welcome to Holland,’ Emily Perl Kingsley writes about when life doesn’t turn out like you expected it would. Does that concept resonate with you? I think many of us had ideals or hopes in our minds about how our lives/careers/relationships would be in the future, then life intervened and took us down another path.

Perl-Kingsley compares Italy to where we thought we were going in life, but instead, we ended up in Holland. But, Holland still has a lot to offer when you give it a chance. Holland has tulips and windmills. It can be amazing. It just wasn’t what was planned.

For me, I was in Italy (as shown above in the Isle of Capri, Italy) with my late husband and our firstborn daughter, but also in terms of my life in many senses. I had an amazing husband, a great job, two beautiful healthy daughters, and lived in a nice community. What else could a person ask for?

But life intervened when I suffered a brain injury and then my husband passed away of esophageal cancer several months before the COVID pandemic began.

At first, I didn’t want this life. This wasn’t what I signed up for, but I knew I needed to keep going for our daughters. Then it was brought to my attention that life can still be beautiful. Losing my husband Jeff at this stage in the game will always feel tragic to me, but I know that he wouldn’t want me to curl up and die, too, while I am still alive. I get to live.

One year after Jeff’s death, I decided I was going to live the intention of creating a kick-ass life for my daughters and I. Some days, this intention has been harder to keep than others.

But, I think in my mind I was still stuck on ‘Italy’ - the idea of Jeff and our family life together with our daughters. Although, that option was no longer on the table. This reminds me of Sheryl Sandberg’s book, Option B.

Initially, I didn’t like the concept of Option B as it felt like second-choice. For someone who never likes to settle, Option B seemed like a compromise to the desired Option A. But now with more life experience, I am coming to see that ‘Option B’ and ‘Holland’ can still be beautiful lives. They can be full of so much depth, meaning, joy and love.

Is there something you are still hanging onto that is holding you back from living your life to the fullest?

So, here I am in ‘Holland.’ I had been fighting like hell to get back on the plane and head back to Italy - to the life I had in mind. But, the door is shut. I need to pick up my bags, my daughters and be open to everything Holland has to offer. I am here and every moment of my life is an amazing gift.