The Women Who Helped Make Me

In honour of International Women’s Day on March 8, I would like to share a story about some of the women who helped make me. Men have been tremendously influential in my life, too. But, this story is all about the ladies!

The women featured in this blog photo are my Grandma, Great Grandmother, Great Great Grandmother, and Great Great Great Grandmother - all on my Mother’s side.

I loved my Grandma very dearly, just as I did my Grandma on my Dad’s side. Both of these women inspired me to be strong, to reach down deep within myself when things get tough and to carry on.

My Grandma, shown in this picture, had a strong connection with animals. She was a farm girl who trained her Holstein cows to lie down for her to sit on while she milked another cow. And, she loved to tell the story of when a rabid fox came to the farm and was after her dog. Grandma, as a teenager, intervened and stabbed the fox to death with a pitchfork (later to bring it into the house and scare the heck out of her Mother!). Grandma was featured in the newspaper about that fiasco!

In many ways, the women in this photo had hard lives. Their workdays on the farm were long and tiring. There was little time for play and money did not come easy.

When I compare my life to theirs, it seems so different. I am the first granddaughter to attend post-secondary education and chase career dreams. I got married in my 30s which would have made me an old maid back in those days! And, I live in a nice home in the city. I am not a farmer…even though I would argue I have a lot of country girl in me!

I know my Mom and Dad (both key influencers in my life) worked hard to afford me opportunities that the women in this photo didn’t have. Each generation seems to strive for a bit more for their children. And yes, I am a naturally driven person. But, I wonder if maybe these ladies (and men) who came before me planted a seed within me of who I am today.

I have always had an entrepreneurial spirit. At the age of five, I saw a commercial on the TV about exotic parrots for sale. I told my kindergarten friends I could get them a bird if they brought money to school. I charged $10 more for each bird than the price advertised on the TV to allow for my finder’s fee. The problem arose when I didn’t see the commercial again to get the call-in number for my order! I also sold my Michael Jackson collectors cards to my Grade 2 friends. Mom and Dad made me give the money back.

By the age of 10, I was a newspaper delivery person. Then at 11, I added a Regal card business to my resume. I went door-to-door with my catalog, visiting older ladies in the neighbourhood who kindly placed orders with me.

Once I hit 12 that opened some big employment doors for me as I was officially old enough to babysit. At this stage in the game, I was buying all my own clothes with my earnings.

I had multiple jobs throughout high school, and then in university. Some of my roles included movie store clerk, shoe salesperson, clothing store rep, chip wagon owner, landscape garden salesperson and then I was on a construction crew (getting paid minimum wage) to bust my butt out in the hot sun as the only woman on a crew with 12 men.

I remember one day, my crew was working on the grounds of a beautiful home on the lake. I was assigned the role of cleaning the eavestroughs right near a hornet’s nest. I was terrified of anything that could sting me! Those bugs were buzzing all around my head. One of my crewmates offered to switch out with me so I could escape the hornets. My fear of appearing like I couldn’t do the job as well as a man was stronger than my fear of hornets. I persisted. I have to say that experience must have de-sensitized me to hornets as I don’t have that same fear anymore. But I digress…

When I was in university, I had big dreams. I wanted to go to the top. CEO, and be paid big money. I never wanted to struggle as, perhaps, previous generations had. In some ways, these women in the photo signified what I didn’t want. I wanted to be as far away from their lives as I could get and still at the same time, I wanted to achieve great success with my life for them, too. To be able to say, “we made it, ladies!”

I followed the path, got my MBA, and made it known at every job I worked in that I was going for CEO as part of my career path. There was no second-guessing. It was part of the deal. If I wanted to work for a company, I called them up (even with no job opening) and found a way to make it happen. Things just seemed to flow for me. I was highly confident and believed I had the capabilities to back it up.

I married a man who was completely supportive of my career. When each of our daughters was born, I took three months of maternity leave and their Dad took the remaining 9 months of parental leave.

Then the brain injury occurred to me. That changed the trajectory of my life. As much as I wanted to power through and fix it, I couldn’t. I couldn’t do anything but lie in a darkened bedroom for the greater part of years. And, I still continue to heal even 10 years later.

Then my husband passed away of cancer and the COVID pandemic arrived while I was raising my 8 and 10-year-old daughters. Suddenly, I felt more connected to these women in the picture than I ever had before.

Many days, I was struggling. I felt beaten down. Alone. And, I was fearful for our financial future. So much was unknown.

But as I looked at this picture of my ancestors that sits upon my bedroom dresser, I could feel there was a part of each one of these women in me. I now understood what it’s like to feel each day’s so hard, sometimes I didn’t know how I’d make it through. To be so tired that I fell asleep as soon as my head hit the pillow. And there were things I wanted for myself and my life that had to be denied at the moment because I needed to think of my children first.

I began to derive strength from looking at the faces of the women in this picture. They are tough, strong and resilient. I am one of them. I could almost feel them cheering me on, telling me that I can do this.

We are all a product of our experiences as well as our genetics. Even though we don’t get the chance to meet so many of our ancestors, I believe they are still with us somehow. In us and around us. Yes, I am my own person. But, I am thankful to all of the strong women who have come before me that have helped make me who I am.