How To Become A More Vulnerable Leader
I recently led a learning session for a company’s internal coaches on resilience. The topic of vulnerability came up. It is interesting how 15 years ago, vulnerability would have been seen as a weakness for a leader to show. Nowadays, particularly since the COVID pandemic, vulnerability is a highly desirable leadership characteristic.
But, as one of the participants in this training program asked me, “How do you become a more vulnerable leader?” Good question.
One of the things that make vulnerability resonate with people is that it is something we all have in common.
I define vulnerability as that feeling you get when you put yourself out on the ledge, not sure what others will think of you. But, the payoff of being a vulnerable leader is huge. It is about you being brave enough to lead by example and to share your ‘worts.’ We all have faced our share of challenges and hardships, but we also have our dreams too. Revealing any of these elements can feel vulnerable. But when you role model vulnerability to your employees, it allows them to speak their truths too.
For instance, maybe there is a process glitch in a certain area of your organization. If employees see the perfect facade of the leadership team, they don’t want to admit early on there is a problem as it will make them feel less than in comparison to you.
Now you and I know you are not perfect (neither am I!), but if we are not willing to let our employees in on our challenges and learning, then we are creating executive brands that are inauthentic and really never attainable.
When you demonstrate your own vulnerability then it is telling others around you it is okay to have a dialogue on the good, bad and ugly. You will empower others to follow your lead.
And it takes a lot of energy to have this bulletproof leadership shield of perfection about you. Not only will it feel good for you to put it down and focus more on being a human in a leadership role, but it will also be empowering to those around you. When you are willing to show the parts of yourself that others wish they too could show, team members will follow you in a heartbeat because your truth feels like it opens up what feels real for them, too.
Vulnerability doesn’t have to be just about facing tough stuff. I was talking to a client of mine who wanted to be more vulnerable and show more layers of herself at work. My client admired how vulnerable I had been about sharing my journey, but felt that she had luckily not faced many traumatic hardships in her life so she wasn’t really sure what she had to be vulnerable about.
Vulnerability isn’t just about challenges. It is about living your truth. Sharing your human and leadership experience in a way that demystifies the perfection of oneself that social media and the traditional leadership model portray. Vulnerability is about connecting with your inner voice and speaking from that place, even when you are not sure how it will be received by others. It is about listening to your gut instinct and not being afraid to act upon it.
There can be a correlation between vulnerability and confidence. I have learned vulnerability is easier when you are feeling confident about yourself. If you want to develop a vulnerable leadership style, continuing to work on your confidence is key. And the interesting thing is the more you practice being vulnerable, the more confidence and admiration you will have for yourself.
Vulnerability gets easier with time. At first, being vulnerable can feel like the scariest thing in the world. But when you are brave enough to step into your discomfort, it gets easier as you go. Over time, you will build up your vulnerability muscle until it becomes natural to lead from that place.
Some executives might fear they could go too far and become overly vulnerable at work. Well for most leaders I know they are way at the far end of the spectrum around non-vulnerability so they could move the needle quite a ways before running into the oversharing category. But, a rule of thumb is vulnerability isn’t about airing your grievances. It is not about spreading negativity or hatred. It comes from a place of kindness and love. Our workplaces are professional places to accomplish goals. When it comes to sharing personal vulnerabilities, I would consider how sharing could help the team achieve its goals. If you can’t connect your vulnerability to the work being done in some loose way, then consider if it is relevant.
A reminder: when you express vulnerability, you need to go back at some point to share how you faced that feeling and were willing and able to rise above it to achieve your goals. This demonstrates not only vulnerability to your team but your perseverance and determination. It demonstrates you are not afraid to walk into the fire to go after what is important to you and the team (not in a self-sacrificing way, but in a style of true bravery).
Knowing how and when to be share vulnerability around feelings and thoughts takes practice. Wade in slowly. Share a bit. Then assess how that felt. Did sharing those feelings or thoughts seem to help rally the troops? Are you feeling more energized? Did others around you seem to receive a greater understanding of you and the goal at hand? If so, you are on the right track. Keep opening up and being the truest version of yourself.
Vulnerability might mean you need help from other people. As much as we all love talking about our amazing teams at work, being vulnerable to rally the team around a common goal requires you to hit a humble place and really let people in to make the impossible possible. This means you openly delegate, share information, celebrate successes, and make it known how much you need their help.
When it comes down to it, plain and simple, vulnerability is about taking a chance. It requires putting yourself out there and being true to who you are. Humble and kind. And, who wouldn’t want to work with a leader like that?
