How Well Do You Really Know Yourself?

There can come a time in people’s lives, often in their forties or fifties, when they start to wonder who they really are at this stage in the game. These executives may like themselves well enough and feel confident in their abilities, but there may still be a little voice inside of them that says there is something more.

If you are feeling this way, you can either ignore that voice and push it away. Tip: It will come back again down the road! Or, you can curiously dive into it. One of the obstacles leaders face around diving into it is they are not really sure what they are diving into and how being open to exploring and getting to know themselves will translate into being a stronger leader and person. This is an area I often work with executives on through my Executive and Career Coaching Programs.

From the time I was in Grade 8 until I was 26 years old, I never went more than a week between boyfriends. Then when I got into my mid-twenties, I knew I needed to learn to stand on my own two feet and define myself by who I was not by who I was with. I was single for four years before I connected with the man who would later be my husband.

I share this with you not to encourage everyone to be single or to give you the play-by-play on my dating history(!), but I want to tell you about the important work I started to do within myself since that time that led me to a place of really knowing and loving who I am. This work contributed to the creation of a more solid foundation for everything I do. I want to share with you how you can build a stronger relationship with yourself to know yourself better.

In order to really get to know a person, you need to spend time with them. I am sure you have heard this about building strong relationships with your colleagues or even partner at home, but how much quality time do you spend by yourself? By the way, watching Netflix by yourself doesn’t count!

When I was in my mid-twenties, I started to carve out a regular ‘date night’ with myself. That might sound a bit nerdy, but I came to value that time even if it was just an hour to sit by myself and enjoy a latte or go for a walk, head to the spa, or on a vacation. It just felt like my life was so busy at work and with friends that I rarely had a moment to collect my thoughts, let alone spend quality time with myself. So I really needed to make ‘me’ a priority and carve out that time.

I hold annual Strategy Sessions with myself. Companies do this all the time for their corporate planning. The executive team heads away to a nice resort to sit in a conference room for a few days to hash out objectives, strategies, and tactics with measurable outcomes for the coming year(s).

So, I decided to do this for myself. I go away to a nice resort, armed with a blank notebook and pen. I allow myself to dream. What do I want my career and life to look like in the coming year, and beyond? I brainstorm. I think big picture.

Next, I formulate tangible goals for myself like I would if I were an executive planning at a corporate retreat. I transfer those goals to my daytimer for the appropriate dates to start working on them (as well as my deadlines so I can assess my progress along the way.)

I make this process fun for me. This puts me in a creative frame of mind and acts as a mini-bonding session with myself. Again, at corporate strat sessions, there is often a team-building element. My fun activity is usually around good food, a swim in the lake, a hike, or a spa session.

Cut yourself some slack. This has been a hard one for me. But, I have moved the dial substantially here since the time I started committing to growing my relationship with myself. I find journaling is helpful because when I write down my fears and expectations on myself, I can take a more logical look at reflecting on the situation and then rationalize with myself to see I am doing my best. And as long as we show up each day, with our hearts in the right place and continuing to learn and grow, that is really all we can do.

Mindfulness has been a powerful tool in helping me to really go deep within myself. I have been able to see and understand my fears more clearly, which gives them less power. I know my triggers. And, I can connect with that part of me that isn’t so frantically caught up in living life in the fast lane. From this grounded space, I feel more like the person I want to be in the world.