Is Being Superbusy Really So Bad?

In September 2012, shortly after I suffered a brain injury, I was featured as part of a news story in The Globe and Mail’s Report on Business section entitled ‘Is Being Superbusy so Bad?’ by Leah Eichler.

At the time, I was a few months out from my brain injury. I knew I was not back to normal yet, but I had no idea that my healing journey would still be going on almost 11 years later. At that point in time, I had never dealt with an injury or illness before that had knocked me back and had life-altering consequences so I didn’t know what was possible for this brain injury.

The essence of this article is that I was a super busy Type A owner of the Executive Coaching firm Potential Unlimited who was always go-go-go. And when I wasn’t physically moving, my brain was in rapid-fire mode. Until the day it all stopped when I suffered a brain injury while getting a standup x-ray of my back and neck, fainted, and hit my head off a concrete floor.

After spending so much time in the darkened bedroom by myself away from the busyness of life as part of rehab, I was able to see that there’s a great benefit to slowing down. Don’t get me wrong, so many parts of me kept trying to ramp up again but because of the brain injury, whenever I tried to get into my old way of being, I would be kicked back into bed with days of headaches that would take me away from my young kids and husband. After this happened enough times, I learned to respect my body and move at a slower pace both in my to-dos as well as in the way my mind was moving.

But as I look back at the young woman I was in this article, I have had another shift in my perspective since that time. So herein lies the conundrum for me. I went from someone who had more breathing space but choose to fill it with stuff. When I really reflected on it, I could see that filling my life to the brim with stuff was a way of pushing down other things I didn’t want to deal with. It also made me feel like I was adding value, helping others, and being important. This self-discovery moved me into someone who lived and worked more mindfully and realized I didn’t need a constant to-do list to be worthy. I made it a daily practice to build space into my life for me to just “be” versus “do.”

But back then, I had an amazing and super supportive husband. Since, my husband died three years ago of cancer and I have been the sole parent raising two daughters, managing the house, homework, and sports as well as working - still with a brain injury - I see things a bit differently. This scenario feels a bit ironic to me. Due to life circumstances, my life is super busy! So what do I do?

Well, I’d like to give you my top 3 tips for how any super-busy person can find instant peace…but that’s not how this story goes! I am still deep in the struggle here, so I want to offer my reflection here to others who may feel in the same boat.

There are days, I feel like I am going to lose my mind. I feel overwhelmed and so much pressure. Yes, I still practice daily meditation and mindfulness. Yes, I exercise every day. To me, those practices are not necessarily ‘me’ time but qualifiers to leading a healthy life. I previously got caught up on if I am doing the right things, why is that not helping make my life feel more relaxed? Well, I am doing a superhuman amount. That is why!

When I confide in friends and tell them about my overwhelm, the first thing I hear is you need to outsource. Yep, already checked that box. I do outsource as much as I possibly can. But, when I get the call one of my girls is sick at school or a tap bursts, those are in-the-moment issues that seem to fall on me quite frequently. Normally a parent can switch off with their spouse or ex/co-parent, but those of you who are sole parents know so much rests on just you. You don’t completely get it unless you are in this situation.

I haven’t seen friends in quite a while because my schedule is so packed full of homework and kids’ sports/activities and of course, work. If I have a spare moment, I am flopping down in my reclining chair to watch Netflix. I have no energy to get dressed up to face crowds of people for a night on the town.

I remind myself this is a period of time. The old saying applies here though, “the days are long, but the years go quickly.” My kids are at a super busy age and they really need me right now. I know that even 5 or 6 years from now, it will likely be a different story. So I say no to a lot of things now to make space for my girls and my work.

The idea isn’t to run myself into the ground for the next five years and then spend the rest of my life recouping. I need to continue to practice wellness activities that are keeping me afloat right now. But, I understand this is a busy season for me and it can be a rewarding but also very challenging time.

Life can be really hard sometimes. If you are feeling that way, I want you to know you are not alone. I think when we can be vulnerable and share this with each other, it can actually help one another.

There seems to be a belief out there that since the world is wide open since COVID that everyone should be back to normal, too, and that is not the case. I have a backlog of energy that was used on fighting with my kids to homeschool them for months while I was trying to work and losing all outside support in just a few months after my husband died.

Your story is different than mine, but chances are you are still suffering a backlog of depleted energy too!

Be gentle with yourself. I try to practice this as much as I can.

I am so proud of being the Mom that I have grown into. I seriously kick butt, even if my girls don’t always openly say it…but they know it! And I absolutely love being an Executive Coach. I have found a role that allows me to use my strengths and passions together each day. That is a blessing and my work helps give me energy.

So, my preference for my own well-being is not to be super busy all the time. I feel my best when I am not. But, I also choose to be the best parent I can be for our girls and sometimes that requires putting on both Mom and Dad hats.

Sometimes in life, we have to make choices, and I will always choose my girls. This isn’t some sort of heroic Super Mom flex. This is me saying I re-commit each day to place a top priority on my children while trying my best to take care of me along the way, but it is hard to do both from my position right now.

So, I take each day one step at a time. Lean on support as it is available. Try to change the narrative that plays in my mind to one of kindness, patience, and understanding. And make time in my calendar for some restful self-care, even if it is an afternoon at the spa or an hour lying on my deck lounge chair. Every little thing counts in putting a drop into the self-care bucket. It is going to take me a while to fill it. But, I keep at it, one drop at a time.