Reclaiming my Power!

When I think back to who I was in my 20s and early 30s, I was a Powerhouse. I climbed the corporate ladder quickly and was a vice president within the financial services industry by the age of 31. I was armed with an MBA, a strong voice, and a quick mind. I also was physically strong, as a certified personal trainer/fitness leader and completed several triathlons.

I was not averse to taking risks if I believed I could cut a path forward. This led me to follow my entrepreneurial spirit and leave my executive role, as the breadwinner in our family, to create the Executive Coaching firm Potential Unlimited.

I love Executive Coaching. It really feels like I am in the flow and doing something in line with my life purpose. To help people be stronger, happier, and more successful. My dream job.

But life can sometimes find a way of throwing us curve balls (or maybe teaching us lessons that have the opportunity to shape us if we are brave enough to be honest with ourselves). And that is exactly what happened to me on July 18, 2012.

My life changed forever that day when I fainted during a stand-up X-ray of my back and neck. When I walked into that clinic, my mind had been spinning in a million different directions as I was constantly planning and multitasking. I wired myself to always be thinking 10 steps ahead and planning for Option A, B, and C. I wanted to be prepared. Let’s face it, I wanted to be in control.

And that is when life showed me that I really can’t control as much as I thought I could. When I fainted that day, my head went smashing off the concrete floor of the basement medical facility and it was lights out for me. When I came to, I couldn’t see for three hours and my arms and legs had a mind of their own. My command centre, my brain, was no longer in control.

I was diagnosed with a severe traumatic brain injury, which led to my husband Jeff carrying me out to the car and then into the house for me to lie in my darkened bedroom until at least some of the brain pain, confusion, and light sensitivity, subsided, as instructed by my doctor. I stayed in the dark by myself with zero stimulation for 11 days.

Then I spent most of the following few years in brain rehab, seeing my 1 and 3-year-old daughters for a few minutes a day because of the intense brain pain I faced from even the slightest stimulation. And let’s face it, for those of you who are parents, you know kids at that age are A LOT of stimulation.

As you can imagine, my identity as a Powerhouse was taken from me that day in one quick second—a moment that changed my life and the lives of my family members.

Then in 2019, my identity as a wife was taken from me in a matter of one breath when my beloved husband Jeff died at the age of 46 after a brave two-year fight against esophageal cancer.

So who was I now? I had begun to identify myself as someone with a brain injury. A widow. Those things were both true. But if I was really honest with myself, the narrative inside my head about those two titles felt more like a victim mentality.

Over the years, I had developed a bad habit of comparing myself ‘Before’ the brain injury happened and then ‘After.’ ‘After’ would often come up short. She was the version of myself with a lot of headaches that would be stimulated by being in loud social environments. The Before version of me thrived in these social settings and was seen as the life of the party.

I knew this way of thinking wasn’t serving me well. I began to do a deeper level of work on myself. Who am I now? Yes, I still have a brain injury, albeit greatly improved since that fateful day 12 years ago. What have I learned from the brain injury experience that has shaped parts of me into a better person?

But when I began to look back to the Powerhouse that I was before, I started to recall it wasn’t all a positive experience. I was anxious and overwhelmed. I set extremely high standards for myself and would achieve them come hell or high water, and that was forcing me to push myself beyond the max.

I had also begun to experience insomnia. My mind was go-go-go all day long and then I expected the moment my head hit the pillow for it to all shutdown and for me to achieve my goal of getting a restful night's sleep. But when that started to falter, and I began to toss and turn all night and feel exhausted each day, I felt mad at myself and frustrated. The cycle worsened.

So, yes, I was achieving at a high level, and from the outside looked like I had it all together. But cracks were forming in my foundation long before my head went crashing off the floor.

So, if I liked elements of who I was before and there are life-changing lessons I learned from the brain injury experience, what do I do with this? I know that I want to walk back into my power this year. To be the version of myself that is calling me, but I don’t know exactly who that is. And this is where things get interesting.

I like to have a vision. A goal. A picture of what I am walking towards. And right now, I have more questions than answers. Who is this person I am becoming? What is this newfound fire inside of me?

Trust and faith. Those are words that I believe in deeply in theory but seem to be a challenge in practice. Yet, I feel they are what I need to lean into for 2025 (and likely forever!). I need to listen to my gut instinct. Remember things aren’t black and white. It is not really the Before Me and After Me. It is all me. I am one book with lots of chapters that make up my story.

I am in the muck of this process, and I am choosing to trust that is okay. I am going to share my journey with you in some of these newsletter stories throughout the year. If you want a more step-by-step seat on my journey, I have decided to be open and vulnerable about this on Instagram so feel free and connect with me on IG @careyann_oestreicher.

I know there are other people out there going on journeys, doing soul searching at this stage in their lives, and believing there is still more for them. Our stories may be different but the theme is the same, and if I can help you Claim Your Power, too, then that is my honour to be a small part of your process.

We are all human beings just trying to do and be our best, to add value, to love, and to be loved. By sharing my story, I hope it frees you to share your stories, too.