As leaders, we are familiar with discussing people issues with our Executive team. We want to retain top talent and keep them engaged. But, what if the trend now is the actual leaders themselves are feeling a lack of engagement and motivation? As an Executive Coach, I am seeing that trend with some top leaders. If you or others in your organization are feeling this way, here are some things I want you to know.

Resilience is something we develop when we go through tough experiences. I think of my Dad when I describe this. Growing up, we had a lovely,well-manicured yard. My Dad wouldn’t have ever thought about hiring a maintenance crew. He did it all himself with the help of my Mom for planting and watering Other than that, it was all Dad. He would shovel and hoe almost every day. When I looked at the inside of his hands, they had callouses on them from the use of these gardening tools over time. These callouses emerged because tough work had required them to grow to help my Dad’s hands to be able to do everything that his life was telling them through experience he needed to do. The callouses helped him to carry through. To handle the tough stuff better.

And that is exactly how we grow our resilience. We develop this inner strength over time because we have to. This growth does not feel so comfortable at the time and often can feel like pain, but it forces us to shift and change to be able to carry the heavier load more efficiently.

Growing up, most of us likely faced bullies on our school playgrounds. It is an awful feeling to be relentlessly teased or ridiculed by another person(s). It can erode our confidence, lead to a feeling of isolation, and reduce our performance.

When I was a child, I equated bullying to immaturity and expected that once I became an adult that this behaviour I witnessed happening around me would stop. But, the reality is that bullying still happens at workplaces. We may not see it from our leadership positions but don’t be too quick to dismiss that it isn’t happening at your organization.

So, how do we know if there is bullying in our organizations, and if so, how do we deal with bullies?

Recently, my daughters and I had the great privilege of handing out two Jr. C Hockey Awards named in honor of my late husband/the girls' Dad, Jeff, who played for the team in his teens to early 20s.When I received the call that the Club had chosen Jeff for this award out of all the great guys who have played for this team over the years, I was very touched as I know Jeff would be.

This leads me to ask the question, what do I want my legacy to be? What do you want your legacy to be? A legacy is not created at the end of our lives, it is what we do and who we are leading up to our final moment. If you are not unsure about the answer to this big question, allow me to help you put some thought into it.

Full disclosure: I am a goalie Momma. My 12-year-old daughter plays on a provincial-level team, and I have recently learned the intense pressure a goalie deals with. This daughter is also an avid NHL hockey fan, with the Leafs being her number one team. She has succeeded in doing what no man before her in our family has ever done…got me to be a regular viewer of Leafs games! She comes from a long line of hockey-obsessed relatives from Great-Grandfathers, Grandfathers, her Dad when he was alive, Uncles, Cousins, and even my Mom!

And because of her interest in hockey and particularly in goalies, I have had the opportunity to watch the drama with Toronto Maple Leafs Goalie Ilya Samsonov go down.

Have you been feeling you’re not getting the traction you want in your work or life? Does it feel like the harder you try, the more things aren’t working out? Or, maybe you’re just feeling a lack of motivation.

Even for a high-achiever, these feelings can be very normal and they can be a natural part of ‘wintering.’

This picture was taken recently on the 4th anniversary of my husband’s death. The rough waves and dark sky parallels the emotions I was feeling the day my beautiful 46 year old husband died in my arms after a 23-month battle with esophageal cancer.

To see this man I loved with my whole heart slip away breath after breath was excruciating. Knowing how badly he wanted to stay. And then to have to call our 8 and 10-year-old daughters to come in to see us, them unaware that this would be the moment they would learn their Daddy had died.

I have also faced intense physical pain. So how can we befriend pain and use it as a tool to help us be our best in work and in life?

No doubt you have worked hard to climb your way up the corporate ladder. Probably at times throughout your career, you wished there would be two of you to accomplish what you needed to do.

And then, you made it to the leadership ranks, and voila…an Executive Assistant appears! This is a dream come true. An extension of yourself. Someone to help you free up more time to be strategic and coach your people. But in the work I do as an Executive Coach, I can tell you that this Executive Assistant Fairy Tale sometimes ends up being just that, and the time of the leader and the EA is not utilized as well as it could be. As such, I’d like to share some tips for working with your executive Assistant for the best results!

This week, I gave a keynote speech for a corporation. I had a busy morning juggling a few things so got to the point where I realized I didn't have time to BOTH review my notes for this speech AND take a few minutes for me to ground myself, close my eyes and breathe deeply and visualize my connection with the audience. I had to choose one area to put my focus on for my prep for this speech.

This is the conundrum faced by many a Type A workaholic perfectionist who works so hard and likely drives a hardworking, successful team. How do I really make space to celebrate? I mean really celebrate your successes, not just the token holiday party or dinner out for the team to mark the completion of a big projection while you are consumed already by the next thing. This celebration shift is just as much about a state of mind as it is about what you actually do for yourself and/or your team to celebrate.

I have always been a believer that we can have it all in our lives. And for a while, it may seem that I did. A great husband, beautiful and healthy children, a fabulous job and I was feeling healthy and vibrant myself. Although ironically if you would have gone back in time and asked me if felt 100 percent fulfilled, I would have likely said no. I was continually striving for more, feeling anxiety inside as well as suffering from insomnia. I was driving myself way too hard and nothing was really ever good enough.

Then I learned life has a way of rearranging our best-laid plans. After I suffered a brain injury and then lost my husband to esophageal cancer, I really began to question what was possible after all. Can we really have it all?

Is there something you really want in your life or career right now? You feel in your gut that it is going to come to fruition although you have no idea how. And, it might feel like it could be way out of your league? I learned from my Dad on a cool autumn Thanksgiving evening that this is when we need to tap into our inner knowing and trust. To hold onto hope and belief even in the darkness.